What to Do When You’re Feeling Down
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Today is just one of those days where I feel down. In fact, I’ve been feeling like this for a while now. I’ve been doing the things I do to improve my mood. I do the walks and the journaling. I indulge in bingeing Asian dramas.
Still, there is this heaviness that will not leave me. Most of the time, I just feel numb. Every now and then, though, I cry. I allow myself to feel the feels.
When I put words to my feelings, they are feelings of worthlessness. Since as long as I could remember, I’ve always had issues maintaining friendships. The tighter I hold on, it seems, the more people want to run away from me.
In my logical mind, I know that that’s not really true. People have lives and families that take precedence over me. It just seems like I’m not that person for anyone. I guess that’s what really hurts.
I’m hoping that this moment in my life is temporary. However, it’s a feeling I’ve struggled with for the longest. Am I inferior? Is there something about me that’s off-putting?
The funny thing is when I feel like this, I do pull away from people. Either that or I go in the completely opposite direction. I go out and become this gregarious extrovert. I want to be everyone’s friend, and they want to be mine. I can only really do that for a night though. The high I get from that is only temporary.
I guess I’m just writing this all out because I like to document my feelings at the beginning of the year. I wish I could tell you I feel amazing. I wish this year was different.
My hope, like every year, is that next year will be different. I also want to know if anyone is feeling like this right now? Do you feel lost and crappy right now? How are you going to make it better? I’m still figuring out my answer to the last question.
